Utter Slob :P

I've not long woke up and it's already 1am...how lazy am i please! 
I have like 101 things to do before my boyfriend gets here and i've not even thought about starting yet, it will probably just get left as usual which is why i currently have no dishes or cups as they are all in the sink, the way i see it is if i have nothing to eat off and cant be bothered cleaning them i just wont eat, but seriously it needs to be done as well  as the cleaning of my dressing table and the hoovering of my whole flat.
Which thinking about it i will do as soon as i'm done here as hoovering burns calories :) which is a good thing and i don't want my boyfriend to start thinking i'm an utter slob.


one more day till my scales arrive!!! i'm excited and scared all rolled into one i'm excited as i can finally see how my actions are effecting me weight and it's always an incentive to try harder when you see things are changing, but at the same time im totally scared because i know that my weight is bad...probably worse than it was when i last got weighed i'm just hoping that if it is bad its one of those times when it gives you a shock into trying as hard as you can and not giving up rather than making me upset and depressed and feeling like giving up.
I suppose i'll only know how i feel when i step on those scales, god seriously listen to me any half normal person would just step on and think bugger im fatter or yay im a but thinner and carry on what they are doing but no not me its like a major thing which i need to pre per myself for :/ 
i swear if they did my life in film that moment would have dramatic background music haha


I suppose you may be wondering what my feelings are this morning after my dramatic episode last night....well to be honest i feel really good i feel positive and i feel like i don't crave the taste of any of them foods.
if im totaly honest i did not enjoy the taste of those foods at all i used to love chips with lots of salt and vinegar on and heaps of cheese but last night it just tasted plain and i could taste the oil in them and it felt funny in my mouth... don't think ill be having those any time soon.
but other than that i'm feeling positive about the day ahead, i know i'm supposed to be going for a meal with my boyfriend but i've told myself that its ok and i'm allowed to enjoy the moment.


It's not often we get to go out and have a meal together just the two of us and hey restaurants sell chicken salads so all is not lost.
I really want to enjoy this night out with him he's gone through the trouble to save up money to take me out somewhere i enjoy the least i can do is have the time of my life.
i owe that much to him and there is no way on this earth im going to let an eating disorder come between me and my boyfriend because i know he is the one i'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
There is just noway that we can be apart 3 years together now and we are still going strong we practically live together so we know when that stepping stone comes and we do move in together that there are going to be no problems no pet hates we discover anything.


anyway im totally rambling on now so i'm going to shush for now and i will most likely be on again sunday night as i spend the weekends with my boyfriend and DO NOT want him seeing this.


so stay strong girls good luck over the weekend and remember if you do mess up monday is the start of a whole new week.




xx