Mental Moment

it's been a very quite night tonight with hazardous consequence's, one min i was sitting in bed looking at mag's and on the phone to my boyfriend and the next i was in the kitchen eating everything i could get my hands on...

crisps, dry cereal, chips, chicken, bread ..the lot! 

I did it so fast i can't even recall what i eat when and why all i know is i was thinking i don't need this restricting eating crap i'm missing out on all this food so i scoffed down it wasn't until i slowed down and thought about what i was doing did i suddenly get the biggest shock of my life! 

i ran right to the bathroom downing a pint of water on my way and threw up the lot...only to go back and eat again so i could get a taste of everything i've not allowed myself only to retrace my steps back to the bathroom and throw up again god i hate this so much :( 

this is the first time i have felt like this in a while :/ i usually give in to a little something but i always make sure its a tiny bit and i work it off later never going mental like that.

but anyway yeah ive just done some working out as my punishment for being so weak! 

and i'll do a little bit more when im done here.

then i think ill get in bed with a film and try fall asleep before i do any more damage than i already have.

god not having your ana buddies to talk to when you find yourself with nothing to do really is destructive.

xx