Boo

Ok, so you probably thought i'd fallen off the face of the earth right ? wrong!
I've been in hiding.
I shamed myself by reverting back into my over eating and putting on more weight than i care to imagine!
I just couldn't bring myself to come on line and admit it to all you girls out there!.
In hindsight it would of been a much better idea than i originally thought, maybe you girls could of stopped me from making a huge mistake.

Anyway i've come to realise during resent events that there is no point dwelling on the past as that will tarnish my future.

I failed and that's that!
there is nothing i can do to change the past....but there is something i can do to change the future.

I do not want a future dominated by how fat my ass is!, or how i have to drag myself up when ever i want to move.
I want a future where i stand in the mirror and love my body and where i can gracefully more around.

so i've spent the past few weeks getting my act together and starting fresh.
today is a new day and i aim to fix myself one day at a time :)
after all it's also the start of a new year..maybe 2011 is my time to shine?

xxx

My epiphanie

Hi girls,
Ok so yesterday went ok..ish
i only had one meal...now i know the meal wasn't healthy but i spent all day tidying the flat which took ages and when my boyfriend arrived at my flat i really didn't have the strength left to cook so he got pizza :/ not one of the best choices but at least that was all i had.

anyway later on that night we had a bath and was in my room and my boyfriend was stood in the mirror and we where talking about bad posture and i was telling him how good posture should look
i then went to stand up myself and show him that my posture is also bad and when i stood up my towel fell down my back and as i positioned myself in the mirror i had the most horrific epiphany (sudden realisation of the truth)
my back actually wobbled  its covered in fat my legs are fat everything is fat
i sat on the bed quickly covering myself in my dressing down and cried.
my boyfriend sat and cuddled me and told me i can make it all go away as long as i stick to my "diet" as he sees it.

That experience was horrible but i'm glad it happened... i am now more determined than ever every time i think of eating something that i shouldn't i just think back to that moment and how i looked and how it made me feel and i'm just put off right away.